'Evil Bong 666' breathes new life into the series

Evil Bong 666 (2017)
Starring: Mindy Robinson, Robin Sydney, Sonny Carl Davis, Michelle Mais, Jessica Morris, and The Don
Director: Charles Band
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

After the mysterious disapperance of the former owner, Eebee's Magical Weed Dispensary is purchased by the devil-worshiping goth chick Lucy Furr (Robinson). When she opens to Sexy Hell, Rabbit (Davis) and the Evil Bong (Mais) join in an uneasy alliance to stop her mellow-harshing schemes... and a new hero emerges. But will even his pot-powered might be enough to save the day?

"Evil Bong 666" is a sequel to "Evil Bong High-5" and it picks up the story roughly a year after the events of that movie. It marks the end to a cycle that started with "Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong" and starts a new one... and if future films continue the trend started here, we're in for some fun times.

There are several things that the folks at Full Moon did right with this one. First of all, this is a complete movie, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Sure, it doesn't stand completely alone--viewers who watch this without having seen, at the very least, "Evil Bong High-5" won't get all the references and jokes--but at least some effort was made to provide a well-structured script. Secondly, by replacing Larnell and/or Rabbit as the shop owner, they gave the series a new tone and an all-new life. Lucy Furr is hilarously short of patience with the drug-addled morons who come into her shop and her exaperation is a lot of fun to watch. Thirdly, Full Moon cut back on the pointless cross-overs with other properties that were only there to sell merchandice. There is product placement in the film, but it's more subtle than in previous entries (well, with one notable exception, but it's incorporated nicely into the film so it's at least not obnoxious), and the one major cross-over is part of a running gag in the film.

Speaking of that cross-over, it marks the return of Luanne (played by Robin Sydney) to the Evil Bong Series. She was last seen as the replacement for Batty Boop on Killjoy's Psycho Circus TV show (in "Killjoy's Psycho Circus"), a gig she was fired from when the real Batty returned, and she keeps up the Batty routine in this film. Mostly. There are fourth-wall-breaking references to both Mindy Robinson and Robin Sydney having played other characters in the Evil Bong films, to which the actresses react rather than the characters, and these "continuity gaffs" are very amusing.

What's also amusing is the dialogue. This is the wittiest script since the original "Evil Bong", with virtually every joke working and every zinger that Lucy Furr fires off in reaction to another character being stupid stricking home with malicious hilarity. Mindy Robinson, who has just sort of been present in the past few "Evil Bong" pictures gets to show off her knack for comedy in this one, and I hope she'll have similar opportunities in future films.

On the downside, I was disappointed that the Frankenstein spoof that was such a major part of the preview I saw is actually a minor part of the overall film. It's a high point of the movie, and I wish more of it had been this spot-on and well put together. Further, as funny a concept as Sexy Hell was, the concept was crippled by the film's low budget. Most of the effects dollars appear to have gone into the film's three creatures (Gingerdead Man, Evil Bong, and a new character that's added in the third act), so there wasn't much left to bring Sexy Hell to life--as was done with the animated scenery for Bongworld. Instead, we see the actors performing on a cramped green screen set without even animated "long shots" to provide even the slightest illusion of there being something beyond that little corner. This goes great damage to the whole concept... but maybe it will undergo a fix similar to what Bongworld received.

In the final analysis, this film was more of a joy than a chore to watch. I am looking forward to finding time to watch the final entry (so far) in the series, hoping the upward quality curve will continue!

'Evil Bong: High-5' is low quality (but an improvement over the last entry)

Evil Bong: High-5 (2016)
Starring: John Patrick Jordan, Sonny Carl Davis, Mindy Robinson, Bob Ramos, Chance A. Rearden, Rorie Moon, Amy Paffrath, Robin Sydney, and Raylin Joy
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band and Nakai Nelson
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Rabbit (Davis), Larnell (Jordan), and the Gingerdead Man (Ramos) are forced by the Evil Bong to market her magical weed as part of her latest scheme for world domination. They must sell one million dollars worth in one month, or Sarah (Sydney) and Velicty (Paffrath) will suffer terrible fates in the Bong World. The task seems impossible... until old friends reappear and offer their assistance.

"Evil Bong: High-5" is a direct continuation of "Evil Bong 420" which ended with our "heroes" being drawn back into the Bong World after smoking magic weed that Rabbit had absconded with. The film also continues the format of the previous two films in the series in that it is basically a string of loosely connected skits where proprietors of a business (pot shop, bakery, bowling alley... whatever) interact with the weird and/or unpleasant characters that enter into their shop.

While I am weary of this format, it found it less annoying than I did last time out because there was less of a sense of filler this time. Each vignette either advanced the plot, provided character development, or was just outright funny. Yes--for the first time in a while, this is an Evil Bong movie that is funnier than it is boring. It felt like some actual effort went into writing the script, from the sharper dialogue through the obvious self-mockery of how blatant Charles Band has gotten about marketing novelty items and toys through product placement in his film. (The gag related to this wore a bit thin by the end, but it didn't outstay its welcome.)

I particularly appreciated that some thought went into providing a little development of the main characters in this film, with the way that Gingerdead Man was handled being especially well done. I also liked the bits involving Rabbit and his new power of Emptyhead--he's so drug-addled and his mind so devoid of reason that he can tap into a universal genius when he clears what little is in there. Once again, Sonny Carl Davis gets to be the most interesting part of an Evil Bong movie, even if John Patrick Jordan gets more screen-time.

Speaking of John Patrick Jordan, even though his character Larnell has more meat to it than it's perhaps ever had, Jordan gives the weakest performance he's given so far in the series. He's always tended toward being flat in this delivery, but he feels so detached in this outing that he becomes a dead spot in several scenes, becoming a drag rather than just a straight-man around which craziness unfolds. He even only gets to do his "eeep!' reaction--the one thing he did previously that was funny--once in the film.

Jordan's lackluster performance is one reason I ended up giving "Evil Bong: High-5" a Three Star-rating. Another factor was, for all the improvements in the script, the writer (and director for that matter) failed in one important area. Larnell and Rabbit are racing against the clock to save the girls who are still trapped in the Bong World, but there is never any sense that time is passing. While a month passes over the course of the movie, it feels more like a just a few days. I think even resorting to an old timey technique of showing pages falling off an calendar while transitioning between scenes would have gone a long way to heightening the tension in the film.

In the final analysis, I can't say "Evil Bong: High-5" is a good movie, but it is better than the previous two entries in the series. It features another non-ending and a promise that the story continues in yet another sequel ("Evil Bong 666"), but because this film actually had some story content and character development, I wasn't angered this time out. God help me, but I'm actually curious to see how Larnell and Gingerdead Man will get out of the situation they've been placed in following Rabbit's discovery of the Ultimate Level of Emptyhead.

Is this the beginning of the alleged improvement of the "Evil Bong" series? Here's hoping it is!

The sequel to three Full Moon classics is a disappointment

Dollman vs. Demonic Toys (1993)
Starring: Tim Thomerson, Tracy Scoggins, Melissa Behr, Phil Fondacaro, and Phil Brock
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band and Keith Payson
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

When the demonic toys once more menace the Earth, disgraced  police detective Judith Grey (Scoggins) recruits under-sized alien cop Brick Bardo (Thomerson) and the human victim of an alien shrink ray (Behr) to help her stop them once and for all.

"Dollman vs. Demonic Toys" is a film I've looked forward to watching for a long time. Seeing that it's a sequel to not one, not two, but three of the best films Charles Band has produced--"Dollman", "Demonic Toys", and "Bad Channels" -- how could it not be great?

As it turned out that it isn't great. It's not even good.
The biggest problem isn't that about 15 minutes worth of stock footage that recaps the three movies this is a sequel to, because, while the recap was full of extraneous information, some of the recap was useful, because Band ret-cons who was left shruken by the aliens at the end of "Bad Channels" possibly because it would be inappropriate in the extreme for Bardo to bed a high school cheerleader. The biggest problem isn't even the horrible rear-projection special effects that are used to make Bardo and Grey share the screen.  Hell, the fact that two subplots are introduced in the first act of the film that then completely dropped isn't even the biggest problem the film has. No, the biggest problem is that for roughly half of its running time, it's mind-numbling, teeth-achingly boring. Worse, it runs barely over an hour (including the typical drawn-out Full Moon credit sequences) and the first 30-45 minutes or so feel padded. Even worse, the character of Judith Grey is all but wasted here.

Yes... the sequel to three of the best, funnest, and most action-packed films from Full Moon is an almost total dog.

I say "almost" because if you suffer through the first half, things begin to pick up. Once the fight between Bardo and the Demonic Toys get going, we finally get material that is fit to follow in the way of the great movies that "Dollman vs. Demonic Toys" sprang from. During the final 20 minutes or so, we get the sort of action we should have been seing from the beginning, even if the special effects and doll animations are among the worst of any Full Moon movie. (Band smart to use actors in costumes for many shots, especially when the dolls fight we Bardo, because every shot where the toys are toys is pathetic in its execution.)

The Three Stars I am giving this film are entirely for the last 20 or so minutes, with a Star being knocked off for dropped subplots. This is not a film to go out of your way for unless your a fanatical completionist. If you are craving more Demonic Toy action, you're better off checking out "Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys" (a film I apparently like far more than most other reviewers) or "Demonic Toys 2" (which, although it's not evident in the title, is as much a sequel to "Hideous" as it is to "Demonic Toys).



It is interesting to me that "Demonic Toys" has never had a sequel that hasn't been a crossover with some other Full Moon property. I wonder why that is? The original film had lots of sequel potential, I feel, especially if a film were to be made about Judith Grey's son.

'Evil Bong 420': A Bad Trip!

Evil Bong 420 (2015)
Starring: Sonny Carl Davis, Chance A. Reardon, Mindy Robinson, Robin Sydney, John Patrick Jordan, and Amy Paffrath
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band and Nakai Nelson
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

Rabbit (Davis) returns to Earth from the Bong World and opens a bowling alley where customers may bowl topless in between smoking bowls. On the night of the grand opening, the bowling alley is flooded with assorted weirdos and stoners, and it looks like Rabbit's dream of being a successful business owner while spreading joy and happiness is coming true. Then Gingerdead Man and the Evil Bong decide to crash the party...

I once declared "The Killer Eye" as the worst movie Charles Band has ever inflicted upon the world. It still holds that distinction, but "Evil Bong 420" comes close to matching it in awfulness. Everything that was wrong with "The Killer Eye" can be found here with the dearth of actual story content being prime among them, and bad performances from usually reliable actors being a close second.

The majority of "Evil Bong 420" consists of barely connected skits involving Rabbit talking to customers, employees, or bowlers behaving badly; or the Evil Bong and Gingerdead Man exchanging weak insults in the Bong World. Scenes that involve actual plot or character development (yeah, I know... what I am doing, expecting character development in an "Evil Bong" flick; well, character is king even in movies like this!) comprise maybe 12-15 minutes of the film's run-time while the rest if taken up with the aforementioned skits. This is similar to the format in "Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong", so it's not entirely unexpected, but at least there was a little more coherent story in that one, as well as something approximating and ending. With this film, the only decent actor who really has a chance to do anything with the part is Sonny Carl Davis (who has more screen time as Rabbit in this film than perhaps ever before)... while Chance A. Reardon gets almost as much time and stinks up the screen as Hambo in a pointless and timewasting "Ooga Booga" crossover.

To add injury to insult, after mostly spinning its wheels in place for an hour, the movie stops just when it seemed like it was finally getting started. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know how much that bothers me when a movie does that, and how often Band engages in this bit of bad storytelling. In the case of "Evil Bong 420" it really is insulting to the audience, because most of the running time was wasted on garbage scenes.

I almost gave "Evil Bong 420" a One Star-rating--which should surprise no-one given the nonstop negativity of this review--but I liked Rabbit so much here that I settled on a perhaps-too-generous Two Stars. The gags surrounding his invention--the Weedblower--cinched the rating, as they not only helped advance the plot, but they were actually funny.

I am told this is the lowpoint for the "Evil Bong" series. God, I hope so, because I've got three more in my "unwatched" stack...

By the way, if you've ever wondered if a gingerbread man animated through black magic and the soul of a psychopath can ejaculate, you will find the answer in this film. You can take this is a selling-point or a warning to stay away.

'Axis Termination' is Quality Puppet Master!

Puppet Master: Axis Termination (2017)
Starring: Paul Logan, Tonya Kay, Kevin Allen Scott, George Appleby, Tania Fox, Alynxia America, and Lilou Vos
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band and Dale Cooper
Rating Six of Ten Stars

As a pair of Nazi mystics (Kay and Scott) and their band of psychopaths are on the verge of unlocking ancient secrets that will allow them to create unstoppable super-soldiers, an elite force of psychics in the employ of the United States Army (America, Appleby, and Fox), together with their new liaison officer (Logan), launch a desperate attempt to stop them once and for all. Meanwhile, Toulon's puppets sqaure off against their Nazi-animated counterparts.

The first two entries in the three films that have made up the latest reboot of the "Puppet Master" series were disappointments. But, since I remain ever-hopeful that Charles Band will give me another "The Creeps" or "Blood Dolls", I keep coming back for more. (Also, there's usually JUST enough in whatever film I've most recently been regretting to give me hope for the next one.)

 When the film opened with a clumsy and perfunctory elimination of the main characters from the first two movies, I feared I was in for more of the same disjointed story-telling that helped drag those previous films down. Those fears became greater as those were followed by a pair of talkie, over-long scenes that swept aside much of what the two previous films had been about.

But THEN the film got going in earnest, and I realized that the restaging and the introduction of an entirely new set of characters and a new plot direction in this third and final part of what had been described as a "trilogy" was all about picking up some of the plot threads from one of my favorite Puppet Master films--"Retro Puppet Master"! While the film still dragged a little here and there, and the acting left a little to be desired at points, the return of the full-tilt mysticism and expansion upon the Eldritch Horror Roots of the puppets more than made up for this.

The film even featured honest-to-god Puppet Masters, which the previous two didn't really, and the Nazi Mystics vs. Allied Mystics also helped the film a great deal. The puppets were also better animated than they've been for a long, long time, something which made up for the fact that Blade's design didn't match what had been present in the past two movies. (I have seen some comment they were disappointed that some of the puppet "animation" was done using actors in costume against a green screen. It didn't bother me at all, but then I've been watching Band productions for 30 years now so I've seen far worse.)

Another minor plus is they even got the hairstyles on the female characters right for the period in which the film was set. It's not that I'm a fashion expert... I just watch a lot of movies from the period the last few Puppet Master films have been set in, so little things like that stick out to me. Check out my Shades of Gray blog for reviews of black-and-white movies and more!

While the acting was generally not anything to cheer about, George Appleby and Tonya Kay gave nice performances as the lead good and evil mystics respectively. The characters had history, and while it's not fully explained in the film, he was felt in the performance and it made the characters more real. Kevin Allen Scott and Lilou Vos were also scary as the lead Nazi psychopaths... with Scott being particularly impressive, even with his magical powers being expressed through supremely cheesy digital effects.

While "Puppet Master: Axis Termination" is far from a perfect movie, it ended this go-around with the killer puppets and dolls on a high note. I, once again, find myself encouraged by what I perceive as a general upward trend in the overall quality of Band's productions. Maybe we've hit rock bottom, and it will only get better from here.

'Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong': A Bad Trip?

Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong (2013)
Starring: John Patrick Jordan, Robin Sydney, Sonny Carl Davis, The Don, and Michelle Mais
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band and Nakai Nelson
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

When Larnell (Jordan) and Sarah Leigh (Sydney) happen to open a pot shop and a bakery within walking distance of each other, their dark pasts--his involving an evil, sentient bong; and hers a homicidal, enchanted cookie--collide with lethally moronic results.

As the title makes clear, this film crosses Full Moon's Gingerdead Man series (slasher movie spoofs) and Evil Bong series (stoner comedies). I sat down to watch the film with high hopes but low expectations, as Charles Band has disappointed me more in recent years than not. Sadly, my hopes were yet again dashed.

"Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong" features a script that gives us less or a story and more a string of loosely strung together jokes and puns--few of which are funny; and which has weak dialogue being delivered by actors who for the most seem to be struggling to bring their characters to life. To add insult to the injury already done, the film feels padded because of an overlong recap of every single high point of the three "Evil Bong" pictures that preceded this one, even though most of that was completely unnecessary back story for this picture, that because there are some exchanges among characters that are redundant to ones the audience sat through moments before.

The worst part, however, is that the implied clash between Full Moon's weirdest characters is little more than an exchange of insults. Even after he goes to Bong World, Millard the Gingerdead Man doesn't do anything that's a threat to Eebee the Evil Bong in any way. Even the non-ending ending of this film (which annoyed me here as it has on so many other Band productions) didn't even feel like it was teasing an interesting sequel where the fight promised by the premise would occur.

The film is not without good points, however. Sonny Carl Davis is even funnier as Rabbit than he's been in previous films (and he's traded in the priest collar he was wearing when last seen for a name-tag and a briefcase and a job as a traveling salesman of Evil Bong-branded merchandise), and the scene where Luann (from the first couple "Evil Bong" films) and Sarah Leigh (from "Gingerdead Man") meet each other is lots of fun. Both characters were played by Robin Sydney, and she gets to trade insults with herself while playing both characters appear on screen via the magic of trick photography. Also, John Patrick Jordan has perfected his startled Larnell "eep!" and delivers it with such comedic timing that he delivers some of the films best laughs. Finally, more effort is also put into animated the film's titular creatures than in previous sequels, even if the Gingerdead Man looks like a hand-puppet in a couple of scenes.

So is "Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong" worth your time? If you're a fan of the loose structure and sophomoric humor that was  the hallmark of the "Evil Bong" pictures so far, yes. If you're a fan of the slasher spoofs and sophomoric humor of the "Gingerdead Man" pictures, probably not. Despite the fact that I get the distinct sense that Sarah Leigh will be stepping into Luann's shoes in future installments of this series (which I will be watching and reviewing in this space), the Gingerdead Man franchise is the loser here as it gets absorbed into the Bong World.

'Axis Rising' was a disappointment

Puppet Master X: Axis Rising (2012)
Starring: Kip Canyon, Jean Louise O'Sullivan, Oto Brezina, Scott King, Stephanie Sanditz, and Brad Potts
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band,
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Two all-American kids, Beth and Danny (Canyon and O'Sullivan), and everyone's favorite homicidal dolls must stop Nazis (King and Sanditz) and their captive scientist (Brezina) from using Toulon's magic serum to create an army of super-soldiers.

Puppet Master X: Axis Rising" is a direct continuation of "Puppet Master: Axis of Evil" and it was yet another decline for Charles Band as a director and story-teller. The story is chaotic, the characters do things that make no sense except they have do or the plot stalls (this is especially true of Stephanie Sanditz big-boobed, sexy Nazi sadist), and there is literally not a single scene in the film that doesn't end up dragging because Band lets it go on too long.

 I THINK Band and his screen writer were attempting to make this movie feel like something that might have been made in the 1940s, with its pure-hearted heroes and utterly depraved and evil villains. This doesn't work because very little of the dialogue is snappy enough and the heroes so bland, and made more-so by the weak performances from  Kip Canyon and Jean Louise O'Sullivan. Of course, these characters were so bland to begin with that I didn't even realize the roles had been recast until I sat down to write this review. That might have been to the credit of the casting director... if the new Danny and Beth hadn't been so lame.

As uninteresting and bland as the heroes were in this film, the Nazi villains were all lots of fun, with Scott King, as Commandant Moebius, and Stephanie Sanditz, as his lieutenant and lover Uschi,  giving performances that were so over the top that I'm surprised their scenery-chewing didn't leave teeth marks in my television set. These actors and characters, along with the pathetic scientist played by Oto Brezina, go a long way to making the tough slog that this film is bearable and give it the somewhat strong finish that it has.

Aside from King and Sanditz, the only good thing I can say about "Puppet Master X" is that Band didn't leave us with yet more unresolved Puppet Master story threads (as happened with "Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge") or an unfinished reboot/prequel storyline (as happened with "Retro Puppet Master"). This film delivered on MOST of the implied promise made with the non-ending ending in "Puppet Master: Axis of Evil". I further appreciated the fact that it picked up on the mysticism thread that was introduced in "Retro Puppet Master". If the story-flow had been more finely crafted, I think I may have been more forgiving of the weak acting on the part of O'Sullivan and Canyon because of the effective callbacks to previous films in the series.

By now, I'm sure you've noticed that I've not talked about the killer puppets. That's because, while they are present, they don't do much and when they do, it's generally uninteresting. The animation/puppetry is a little better than it has been in recent installments, but overall they are mostly here just because they have to be. This includes the new Nazi puppet additions as well, with one notable exception and another that appears to have promise but ends up being lame in the end because of bad writing. (I can't go into exact details here without spoiling things.)

Over all, "Puppet Master X: Axis Rising" is a disappointment. If only Band had emulated B-movies like the best of Monogram Pictures instead of the worst of Producer's Releasing Corporation.

'Ooga Booga' is a poorly made satire

Ooga Booga (2013)
Starring: Ciarra Carter, Chance A. Reardon, Gregory Neibel, Wade F. Wilson, Karen Black, and Stacey Keach
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band, Danny Dravin, and Edward Payson
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

After a clean-cut young black man (Wilson) is murdered by racist cops, his vengful spirit animates an action figure named Ooga Booga. With the help of his girlfriend (Carter) and a has-been kids show host best friend (Reardon), he metes out gory justice on his killers and those who protected them.

If you're one of that strange breed of 21st Century Humans who are walking around looking for a reason to be offended and outraged, this is a movie you need to stay far, far away from: The simplistic satire will be completely lost on you, and the racist and sexist content will cause you to have a stroke.

Even if you aren't one of the Perpetually Offended Tribe, "Ooga Booga" might be a film you should stay away from. While the aforementioned attempt at satire in this film--of 1970s exploitation films, of the modern "all cops are racist!" tropes, and Band's own affection for Killer Toys and the merchandizing tie-ins in can make--are appreciated, they are so clumsily implimented that they are almost insulting to the intelligence of viewers. There's the further issue that most of the comedic elements and jokes in the film are mostly unfunny.

There are some things to recommend the film, however. Chance Reirdon is quite funny as the over-the-top offensive kids show clown, and Ciarra Carter is featured in what has to be the weirdest shower scene in movie history. Karen Black is entertaining is one of her last roles before she passed away, but her scenes and character seem like they almost belong in a different movie. Finally, Stacy Keach is amusing as the cartoonish racist judge... but not amusing enough to earn "Oooga Booga" more than a Three Rating.

By the way, as weak as this film is, Richard Band was up to his usual high standards with the theme he composed for it. It perfectly captures the mood of the film while giving us a very interesting piece of music. Listen for yourself, if you haven't already!

'Parasite Dolls' in an underdeveloped disappointment

Dangerous Worry Dolls (aka "Parasite Dolls") (2008)
Starring: Jessica Morris, Cheri Themer, Dilio Nunez, Deb Snyder, and Meridith McClain
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band, Joe Megna, and Dana Harrloe
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

When incarceration in a women's prison ruled by a corrupt warden (Snyder) and a violent gangleader (McClain) becomes unbearable for Eva (Morris), she wishes her troubles onto a set of "worry dolls" that her daughter gave her while visiting. The dolls, however, are more than just vessels for wishful thinking, and they swiftly begin to eliminate all of Eva's troubles.

Like so many Full Moon movies, "Dangerous Worry Dolls" is brimming with potenial and overflowing with promise... potential and promise that for the most part remains unrealized. Quite honestly, it feels like they used a partially fleshed-out outline as their shooting script and even then didn't bother completing all the scenes.

We are introduced relatively well to Eva, the main character, but no other character gets even the slightest bit of development; everyone is a cookie cutter "women in prison" stock character--and even Eva's character is paper thin in the depth department. Worse, however, is the fact that only one of the worry dolls in Eva's box gets to do anything in the film. Why only that one is magical is never explained... although one gets the feeling that they were ALL supposed to be magical if the film had been compelte.

With the overlong opening and end credits are removed, the movie barely runs more than hour... and what happens in that hour feels incomplete and there are a number of severe continuity issues, such as a confrontation that was supposed to happen at 10:30pm ends up taking place after an event that was supposed to happen at Midnight. There's also an issue with Jessica Morris' make-up once she becomes possessed by the worry dolls and goes on a rampage; the discoloration on her skin that can be seen in the still above comes and goes for no real reason other than maybe scenes are not in the order they were originally supposed to be according to what passed for the script.

The only bright spot here is Jessica Morris, and possibly Dilio Nunez. Morris gives a decent performance all around, considering what she has to work with, and Nunez does some nice foreshadowing of the "big reveal" regarding his character's secret. None of the other cast members give bad performances, but they aren't especially good either. Then again. one has to excuse them to some degree, because they are spitting out some of the most cliched dialogue imaginable while portraying characters that are woefully underdeveloped.

"Dangerous Worry Dolls" is only for people who absolutely must see every single movie in the "women in prison" subgenre of trashy films, and for those who enjoy that off-kilter, undefinable quality present in almost all of Charles Band's films--even the ones that feel as unfinished as this one. It's not his worst effort, but it is far, far from his best.



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Killer robots and global warming equal threats in 'Crash and Burn'

Crash and Burn (1990)
Starring: Paul Ganus, Megan Ward, Bill Moseley, Eva LaRue Callahan, Jack McGee and Ralph Waite
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band, Debra Dion and David DeCoteau
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

The staff of and visitors to an isolated television station in the wastelands of a global-warming ravaged, heatstorm-swept American Southwest must survive the assault of a Synthoid, a human-like robot, programmed to kill all who oppose the tyrannical autocracy of world government Unicom.

"Crash and Burn" is a fast-paced, light-weight sci-fi yarn that combines a whole host of pulp-fiction/comic-booky/cyberpunky futuristic tropes--killer robots passing for humans, giant robots, a decaying society with a questionable moral fiber that is ruled by an oligarchical global government, and plucky rebels embodied by a cranky old man and a tough young girl--to great effect and moves swiftly through its action-packed story.


The characters in the film are all as shallow and cliched as can be expected--movies of this kind are usually more about the action and plot than the characters--but the actors all do decent jobs in their parts, with Megan Ward as the cute teenaged tech genius, Paul Ganus as the dashing hero, and Bill Moseley as the handyman sidekick with a secret doing particularly well in their respective parts.

The special effects are about par for a low-budget sci-fi film of this vintage--it's got decent matte shots, make-up, and stop-motion model effects sequences--and the violence is also standard action movie fare. Everything here is pleasantly average, which puts it well above the usual fare for a direct-to-video film from the early 1990s. (I continue to be surprised by how good these old Full Moon films are.)

Another thing that surprised me about this film is that it hasn't been reissued with fanfare and a marketing push or that Charles Band & Company hasn't thrown together a sequel for it.

The film's backdrop--a world ravaged by global warming and struggling under the thumb of an eeeeevil megacorp that wraps itself in right-wing and religious rhetoric to control the masses--seems like just the sort of thing that the modern environmental movement would lap up. It seems to me that a DVD containing this film, a newly made sequel and a marketing campaign with slogans along the lines of "They didn't listen to the warnings, nor pay heed to the inconvenient truth... now the world is paying the price!" would sell plenty of DVDs.

Then again, maybe that's why I'm not in product development or marketing.

'Decadent Evil II' improves on the original

Decadent Evil II (2007)
Starring: Jill Michelle, Daniel Lennox, John-Paul Gates, Jessica Morris, Ricardo Gil, Mike Muscat, James C. Burns, and Rory Williamson
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Dana K. Harloe, Bill Barton, and Joe Megna
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Kindhearted vampire Sugar (Michelle) and her would-be paramour Dex (Lennox) follow the trail of a master vampire to Little Rock, Arkansas, hoping to obtain the means to restore their deceased, vampire-hunting friend Ivan (Gil) to life. But identifying the master vampire turns out to be harder than they had imagined, and soon the hunters become the hunted.

Daniel Lennox and Jill Michelle reprise their roles from the original film

"Decadent Evil II" is an improvement over the original film in the series in several areas, but it is still a weak effort and a far cry from what we all know Charles Band is capable of delivering.

Like the first film, this one is a cheap and sleazy effort--more sleazy than actually decadent... and even more sleazy than the original because from the "gentleman's club" where most of the action takes place to the motel where the main characters are holed up, to the junkyard where the final confrontation takes place, the film has a rundown, cheap feel to it. Decadence is still somewhat in short supply, but there more evil present than in the previous film.

There's also a better script, with some nicely sinister bad guys and enough of them and nicely done misdirections that it's not completely obvious who the vampire lord is before the Big Reveal near the end. (That said, it turned out to be the character I thought the most probable, but dismissed because the script was by August White who has turned out some real dogs over the years. Turns out, though, that I for once was assuming sloppy randomness where some thought and honest-to-God plot was on display.)

The stronger script also results in some actual moments of horror in this film, and a general atmosphere of dread that permeates everything once the film gets going. If not for an ending that is somewhat botched story-wise, atrociously edited, and just all-around badly staged from an action point of view, this could well have earned a low Five rating instead of the Four it's getting.

The actors are all decent in their parts, even if Daniel Lennox reminds me of the bland leading men from the 1930s B-pictures I review over at Shades of Gray. Jill Michelle did a better job at playing the lead than I figured she would have based her performance in the first film, but Jessica Morris still out-shined her in the few scenes they have together; Michelle may be pretty but she doesn't have much of a screen presence. The cast and the film in general did benefit from the fact that all the characters have at least one moment of importance as the story unfolds. Even Marvin the Humonculous, who in the original was just the obligatory Band Puppet/possible toy fodder without any real purpose beyond that, serves a key role in the story. (The downside here is that he hasn't improved much as a puppet.)

This film is still a far cry from some of the great flicks during the 1990s, but if you're a fan of Charles Band, and if the preview embedded below looks at all appealing, I think you'll find the film entertaining enough, despite its terrible ending.

I REALLY wanted to like this one....

The Dead Want Women (aka "Haunted Hollywood") (2012)
Starring: Jessica Morris, Ariana Madix, J. Scott, Robert Zachar, Jean Louise O'Sullivan, Circus-Szalewski, Jeannie Marie Sullivan, and Eric Roberts
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band, Dustin Hubbard, Tom Landy, and Rick Short
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

A pair or young realtors (Madix and Morris) think they've finally managed to unload the supposedly haunted mansion of long-dead silent movie star Rose Pettigrew (O'Sullivan), but they instead learn that the legendary hauntings are all too real.

I'm starting to know what fans of Dario Argento feel like when they keep hoping for another "Deep Red" or "Cat o' Nine Tails" and instead get "Do You Like Hitchcock?" or worse. Because I keep hoping and hoping for Charles Band to bring me another "Trancers" or "Puppet Master" or "Head of the Family" or even "Crash and Burn" or "The Creeps", but he brings me stuff like "Gingerdead Man" and his latest effort "The Dead Want Women" instead.

And I really thought I would like "The Dead Want Women". First of all, it's a great title. Second of all, it's rooted in old-time movies, a topic I love so much I write reviews whenever I watch a old-time movie. Thirdly, it stars Jessica Morris who was one of the best things about "Haunted Casino". And, last but not least, I LOVE haunted house movies--and, again, I love them so much I write about it whenever I watch one!

And make me even more excited about the film, I loved the approach Full Moon took to marketing it. Once again, it had fabulous preview/trailer and the "who is the secret big-time movie veteran in our new movie?" teasers on the web-site were nicely done.

And the main titles sequence is also extremely well done. It is perhaps the best credits sequence for any Full Moon film... and long-time fans know how Full Moon loves its long main title sequences.

Unfortunately, once the credits run their course, this turns out to be another one of those Charles Band films that doesn't live up to my expectations. It's not the worst he's done, and it's far from the worst that's been released under the Full Moon logo, but it's a disappointment.

It's not the actors' fault. They all do the best they can with what they have to work with, but the problem is they don't have much to work with. In fact, it's a testament to the great degree of talent of everyone on the screen that the film comes across as entertaining as it dopes, because the actors are dealing with a pretty awful script here.

When I reviewed the last film Band directed--"Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt"--I complained that the script was flimsy. That complaint applies here as well. In fact, worse, "The Dead Want Women" feels like it was shot using a partially finished first draft that was missing part of Act One and all of Act Three.

This may, hands down, be the worst script that has ever been the basis for a Charles Band moviem and it's a testament to the talent of the actors that it doesn't come off worse than it does. The preview for the film has a better dramatic structure than the film itself, because the way the real movie unfolds it's hard to tell where the focal point of the story was supposed to be... and not just because the characters are universally badly defined. In fact, just as the film seems like it's finally starting to get going--after opening with one of the most listless Roaring Twenties parties you'll ever witness on film, a secret Satanic sex orgy that makes me wonder if Band is longing for the days of Surrender Cinema, and some truly dull bits with Jessica Morris and Arina Madix playing the BFF realtors getting the house ready to show to their mysterious client--with the evil ghost of Miss Pettigrew and her sidekicks doing their thing, the film ends. Like most Full Moon pictures these days, the film barely breaks the one-hour mark... and in this case the run-time is not only half of what we expect from most movies, but the MOVIE is half of what we expect from most movies.

Viewers looking for lots of female nudity will enjoy the film--there is an actress who is naked for literally 99% of her time on screen. Hardcore Full Moon fans will also be able to enjoy a few of those Charles Band touches we know and love--but they will mostly be outweighed by truly awful moments of lazy writing and lazier direction. (Ohmygod... the ghosts have our hapless realty ladies chained up and they are about to do horrible things to them. Oh wait. One of them just undid her shackles easier than I undo my belt when I need to take a dump. And now she's freeing the other chick just as easily. WTF? When did she get possessed by the spirit of Harry Houdini?! And where did the ghosts suddenly disappear to? WTF?!)

The Two Rating might be a little harsh... it film really is teetering between Two and Three. But in this case, I am being miserly with my rating, because this film could have been so much more with just a little more effort. Meanwhile, here's the preview for the film. If the finished product had followed its flow, it might have been a little stronger....






(By the way, is it coincidence that in the past month, I've seen two movies with Eric Roberts doing a goofy accent? He does a Texas/Oklahoma kinda accent in this film, and he did Russian in "The Tomb." Is that something he's known for, and I've just not noticed until now?)

'Meridian' is pure gothic romance

Meridian (1990)
Starring: Sherilynn Fenn, Malcolm Jamieson, Hilary Mason, Charlie Spradling, and Phil Fondecaro
Director: Charles Band
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

A young woman (Fenn) returns to Italy to claim the castle and title that is her family heritage... but at the same time she claims the family curse.

I'm not sure why it's titled "Meridian," but this is perhaps the most pure cinematic gothic romance in a modern setting that I've ever seen.

None of the acting is particularly remarkable, but no one is awful. The film is a bit slow-moving, but every scene is well-staged and dripping with mood. In fact, there are few movies that so dedicatedly click the boxes of "dark gothic romance content" as this one. Because it's so faithful to all the various genre conventions, it's a bit predictable... but this is as much a weakness as it is a strength. "Meridian" is like that favorite sweater or that favorite kind of ice cream. There are no surprises left in it, but the familiarity is part of the enjoyment.

If you're a fan of gothic romance (including the "gothic fantasy" that was the hallmark of the Ravenloft game line I used to work on), I think you'll enjoy this film.

At least the preview is great!

Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt (2011)
Starring: Erica Rhodes, Chelsea Leigh Edmundson, Olivia Alexander, Ariana Madix, and Lauren Furs
Producer: Charles Band
Director: Charles Band
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

Jenna (Rhodes) recruits some friends (Alexander, Edmundson, Furs, and Madix) to set up the Halloween haunted house she runs with her mother. They soon trade work for getting half-naked and drinking while watching a cheesy horror movie they find in a box, "The Killer Eye". However, a magic crystal ball has a strange reaction to the movie and the half-naked girls... it brings a model of the Killer Eye from the movie to life, and the proceeds to make the movie a reality as well.

I give "Killer Eye: Halloween" haunt some credit for being a clever non-sequel to the original film. By making it just a movie within the world of the sequel, it both embraces and dismisses the suckitude it represents. For details, click here to read my review of "The Killer Eye". --it may well be the worst movie to appear under the Full Moon banner. Not even Jacqueline Lovell and Blake Bailey could do anything to save it.

I disliked the first film so much that I fully intended to ignore this sequel--I don't seek out films that I know I'm going to hate--but the fine folks at Full Moon sent me a little care package that included it and three other films. And on the disc of one of those other films ("Necropolis," which is debuting on DVD as part of Full Moon's Grindhouse series... and which I'll review next) was the preview for "Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt".

And what a great preview it was. It got me very excited to watch this film. In fact, it got my hopes up to the point where I thought THIS might be the film that would mark the return of the Charles Band who gave me "The Creeps" and "Blood Dolls". Or at least "Doll Graveyard".

But, as I settled in to watch the film, I quickly realized that I was not in for an old-time Full Moon experience, but something closer to the generally lackluster offerings that Band has delivered since the turn of the millennium.

The two biggest problems this time out is that what passes for the razor-thin story in the film is so flimsy that it barely manages to hold the scenes together, resulting in a sense that the film consists of vignettes rather than a coherent whole. Secondly, the characters are even flimsier than the plot, only qualifying as such in the most general sense as they barely rise above the level of stereotypes... and when you have a cast of actresses who seem to have been hired more for their bodies than their acting talents, giving them and the audience a little more meat on the movie's bones is a necessity.

The comedy in this horror comedy is virtually non-existent and the horror is in short supply as well--with the exception of the final 15-20 minutes. As the film is building to its conclusion, we finally get some of the Charles Band Magic that we loved so much. If the rest of the film had been this focused and driven, this could have been a classic that lived up to the promise of the preview.

In fairness, as disappointed as I was in this film, it was a great improvement over "The Killer Eye"; it is as the sequel to "Gingerdead Man" was to the film it followed. I also appreciate the fact that more effort seems to have been put into the sets than in other recent offerings, such as "Gingerdead Man 3" and "Evil Bong 3D". Finally, the use of computer-generated special effects is more artfully applied here than in films with budgets ten times what Band and his crew work with... the computer generated gore splatter in one instance was very well done. However, those improvements just wasn't quite enough to make it a worthwhile picture.

That said... if you're a fan of Charles Band and Full Moon, the final bits of the film might be worth watching for. And even before it gets good, you can always enjoy the pretty young girls in very little clothing.

And you can silently weep at what could have been, especially in the light of this killer preview:

The 'Evil Bong' Double Feature:The more wasted you are, the funnier the films

Evil Bong (2003)
Starring: David Weidoff, Brian Lloyd, John Patrick Jordan, Kristyn Green, Robin Sydney, Mitch Eakins, Michelle Mais, and Tommy Chong
Producers: Charles Band
Director: Charles Band
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

When his pot-smoking roommates and the lovely Janet (Green) fall victim to the mysterious powers of the Voodoo-cursed Evil Bong, it's up to the nerdy, straight-laced Allistair (Weidoff) to save them all.


"Evil Bong" is part stoner comedy, part horror movie spoof. It's also a far more effective anti-drug movie than most films that are made to exclusively be anti-drug screeds. None of the potheads in the film are very likeable and Tommy Chong (in a role as the vengeful owner of the Evil Bong) provides a hilarious charicature of what someone becomes after too many years of smoking too much pot.

When "Evil Bong" is on its game, it's quite funny in a stupid sort of way. Unfortunately, it's not on its game most of the time.

Most of the time, this movie screams "Wow... this could have been excellent if a there had been a few more tens of thousands of dollars in the budget" because more money was needed to make the sets better and to buy the time and craftsmanship needed on CGI and props.

This is the first Charles Band film I've seen where his vision overreached his budget, and, as is always the case when this happens, the movie suffers greatly for it.

The Evil Bong (nicknamed EeeBee) isn't animated to the point where it should be--the eyes move and the lips twitch occassionally, but more facial animation was needed to bring it fully to life... the puppetry eithe needed to be far more elaborate than what we have, or lips needed to have been CGI'ed onto the bong model for it to be effective instead of just cheap-looking. EeeBee makes the Gingerdead Man puppet (from Band's 2004 effort of that same title) look impressive.

The Bongworld, the nightmare dimension into which EeeBee draws the souls of those who take hits from her, also suffers from the film's apparent lack of budget. It's a drab and unimpressive place that needed a lot more set decorations and patrons to fully bring it to life. Like EeeBee herself, it's little more than a sketch of what it should have been. It should have rivaled the cantina from "Star Wars" for the craziness of its patrons, particuarly since EeeBee seems to have been collecting souls for a long time, but instead it feels like a skidrow strip club at 10am in the morning.

Partially related to the film's budget restrictions--if I understand comments made in the making-of documentary correctly--this film's concepting, writing, pre-production and principle shooting all took place within a two-month period--is a bit of obvious padding to the script. There's a fairly long and completely irrelevant scene where one of the pothead's grandfather comes for a visit. It's a funny scene, but it has nothing to do with the action line of the film (and it even strikes a discordant note with Bongworld, as the grandfather appears there too, along with characters from other Band-produced movies), and it's a scene that woud have been replaced by something else if a proper number of revisions had taken place on the script.

It's a shame that Band didn't have the money or time to give this film its proper due, because there are a number of good things about it. Although the characters aren't particularly likeable, the actors protraying them all do a great job. Robin Snyder is particularly funny in a scene where a hit on EeeBee gets her all "hot and bothered". Tommy Chong also puts on a good show as... well, Tommy Chong.

"Evil Bong" is only for the hardest of the hardcore members of the Full Moon fanclub or for those who can't get enough of stoner comedies. (Actually, it might also be a good candidate for a Bad Movie Night Double-bill with "Reefer Madness".)


Evil Bong II: King Bong (2009)
Starring: Brett Chukerman, John Patrick Jordan, Sonny Carl Davis, Mitch Eakins, Brian Lloyd, Amy Paffrath, Jacob Witkin, and Robin Sydney
Producers: Charles Band, Dana K. Harrloe, Thomas Smead, and Garin Sparks
Director: Charles Band
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Three friends (Eakins, Jordan and Lloyd) were cursed by smoking from a demonically-animated bong and are now suffering from exaggerated symptoms from smoking pot--one is perpetually horny, the other is wracked by monstrously intense munchies, and the third from severe narcolepsy and memory loss. Together with their straight-laced friend Allistair (Chukerman) They travel to South America to uncover the bong's origins and hopefully find a way to lift the curse. Instead, they become embroiled in a fight for control over the most powerful marijuana crop ever discovered... an idealistic doctor wants to use it to cure cancer (Paffrath), an evil capitalist wants to distribute the pot to stoners everywhere (Witkin) and the sexy members of the Poon Tang Tribe, the Amazon slaves of the mighty King Bong.


The set-up for the film is convoluted, but the film itself is a simple collection of simple-minded pot jokes and stoner stereotypes. If you liked "Evil Bong," I suspect you'll like this sequel, as it delivers more of the same... even if it's crasser than the first movie, both with the level of profanity and the level of nudity in the film. (The Poon Tang Tribe girls are all topless during their scenes, and they confirmed for me once and for all that I prefer looking at natural breasts than ones that are "enhanced." At least if they're not covered up.)

Like the original "Evil Bong," this is more of a comedy than a horror film. In fact, Band doesn't even try to evoke any horror here, going instead for all-out blue humor of the crassest and most low-brow kind. Unfortunately, the jokes are more crass than funny... although I suspect the more intoxicated you are while watching the film, the funnier it becomes.

When I wrote my original review of "Evil Bong," it included a note about how this sequel would be worth watching if it showed the same level of quality improvement that existed between "Gingerdead Man" and "Gingerdead Man 2."

Well, it that improvement didn't manifest itself. While there are a number of points where "Evil Bong II" is superior to its predecessor--Eebee the Evil Bong is better animated than she was in the first film (yes, she was blown to bits, but she gets repaired), and Band doesn't let his vision overreach his meager budget. The Bongworld present in this film is pretty well done, considering my apartment is probably bigger than the sound stage this film was made on. The make-up and special effects are also superior to what we were subjected to in the first film.

On the downside, this film isn't as funny. While the Poon Tang Tribe shows up to provide a little nudity to distract from the overall lameness of the script, they can't hide the fact that there are precious few laughs in this comedy. In fact, the inside gags--such as when one character remarks to another who is being played by a different actor than in the original film that, "I hardly recognized you" or that Sonny Carl Davis' character is named "Rabbit" like the one he played in "Trancers II"--are funnier than any of the set-piece jokes. Well, with the exception of the bizarre "Who's On First"-type routine that Davis and Jordan perform at one point, and Eakins prat-falls as he falls alseep without warning; those bits are midly amusing.

All in all, "Evil Bong II: King Bong" sees Charles Band end the 2000s decade as he started it... with a movie that is a far, far cry from earlier efforts like "Blood Dolls", "Hideous!" and even "The Creeps". Like the first one in this series, it's a film that only hardcore Full Moon fans should bother with. (Of course, for all I know, it plays like "Bringing Up Baby" or "Blazing Saddles" if you're stoned. If someone wants to conduct that experiment, let me know how it turns out.)



One more thing... there's the theme song from the "Evil Bong" movies set to a fan-made video. It's a catchy little tune.

'The Alchemist' is so-so early effort of Band

The Alchemist (1986)
Starring: Lucinda Dooling, John Sanderford, Robert Ginty, Robert Glaudini and Viola Kates Stimpson
Producers: Charles Band, Lawrence Applebaum, Billy Fine and Jay Schultz
Director: James Amante (aka Charles Band)
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

When a farmer (Ginty) sets out to rescue his wife from an evil sorcerer (Glaudini), she ends up dead and he ends up cursed with immortality and occassional transformation into a monster. Nearly a century later, the reincarnation of his long-dead love (Dooling) and a hitchhiker at the wrong place at the wrong time (Sanderford) are drawn into a final showdown between farmer, sorcerer and a gaggle of demons.


An early effort from Charles Band this is a film that's hit and miss in the quality department... with more misses than hits, I'm sorry to say. Nonetheless, the film is a great example of how Band used to be able to create a suitably eerie atmosphere and make the most of his low budgets, an ability that seems to have left him in recent years, both as a director and a producter. There are still enough glimmers of the old Band that I hope a new Full Moon will rise, but it's been about a decade since he's even been as good as what we have in this film.

The film's biggest drawback is its slow-moving plot that's made even slower by obvious padding and by one of the clearest displays of Stupid Character Syndrom ever put on screen. (Lucinda Dooling keeps wigging out at the wheel of the car and almost crashing several times, yet hitchhiker John Sanderford keeps getting back in the car with her. Why? Well, because if he didn't, the film would be over. Once would have been enough to establish the gradual reawakening of the reincarnated soul, but Band and the writers drives the point home over and over to stretch the film to meet a minimum running length.)

Still, when the film gets going and the monsters start popping up and dimensional portals are opened thanks to cheap special effects, that old time Charles Band Magic is in full effect and we have a film that ends on a note far higher than everthing that led up to it indicated.

Everything except the acting that is. For the most part, the film's cast does an excellent job with what they have to work with. Ginty in particular does an excellent job as the emotionally tortured immortal, while Stimpson manages to effectively convey the fatigue of a woman who has spent her entire life tending to a sick family member. Dooling and Sandford are rather bland, but I can't blame the actors as their parts are written that way.

In final analysis, though, this film is really only for the Full Moon/Charles Band completists like myself. The rest of you are better off looking at the movies filed under the "High Rating" tag on this blog.

'Skull Heads' fails to come together

Skull Heads (2009)
Starring: Robin Sydney, Samantha Light, Kim Argetsinger and Rane Jameson
Director: Charles Band
Producer: Charles Band
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

Lonely and emotionally backwards teenager Naomi Arkoff (Sydney) lives in an isolated castle with her strange and abusive parents, along with a number of dark secrets. She longs to visit the outside world, and the closest she is able to come to this is when a film crew arrives to use their castle for a backdrop.


"Skull Heads" is a return to the past for Charles Band and Full Moon in many ways. First, it is filmed in the same castle that served as the setting for true classics like "Castle Freak" and "The Pit and the Pendulum". Second, it revisits elements that worked extremely well in yet another true Full Moon Classic, Band's own "Head of the Family." Finally, it introduces yet another set of tiny terror (and potential merchandising tie-ins), the Skull Heads. Heck, it even has gratuitous nudity in the form of Robin Sydney undressing and "getting busy" with herself in front of a mirror. Yes... this film is jam-packed will all sorts of things that were present in some of the greatest Full Moon features from the 1990s.

It's too bad this film can't hold a candle to the great pictures it brings to mind.

The problem with the film starts with the casting of Robin Sydney as Naomi Arkoff. She is playing a character who is five or ten years younger than she actually is, and the result is that Naomi comes off as being retarded. (Now, given the twists and shock-revelations at the end of the film, it could be that she was SUPPOSED to come off that way. But, given that none of the outsiders who enter the castle comment on her juvenile behavior, I don't think so... I think that Band just went with an adult actress to portray a younger character.

Secondly, Band ruins a rather intense and twisted story by shoe-horning the Skull Heads of the title into the film. They are the film's obligatory "tiny terrors," included either because Band hopes to create toy spin-offs or because he thinks the audience expects it. Sadly, if Band had left them out of this film, it would have been better for it. The Skull Heads add absolutely nothing--the jokes surrounding them are not funny, the puppetry used to animate them is so obviously no-budget that it makes the homunculus from the "Decadent Evil" movies look like something from the original "Puppet Master" film, and even the nature of the curse on the Arkoff family and the castle would have been more interesting without the little critters to add unneeded fluff and distraction.


"Skull Heads" is actually one of the better films from Band in recent years. The character of Naomi is more fully realized than any others--and she would have seemed even more convincing if Band had cast a younger actress and skipped the masturbation scene--and she is likable enough that the audience both relates to her and cares about her fate. The story, thin as ever and fairly standard Full Moon fare (except for the final twists) also flows a little better than a number of other Band efforts recently. If the Skull Heads had been left out, this film would have been on par with "Doll Graveyard," an almost-good effort and a more fitting return to the good old days that the old Italian castle represents for long-time Full Moon fans.

In the final analysis, "Skull Heads" is worth checking out if you're a fan of Charles Band and Full Moon-type movies... but it's not one you necessarily need to make a priority.

The man with a doctorate in... the unknown!

Doctor Mordrid, Master of the Unknown (1993)
Starring: Jeffrey Combs, Yvette Nipar and Brian Thompson
Directors: Charles Band and Albert Band
Producers: Charles Band and Albert Band
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Anton Mordrid (Combs) is an unaging sorcerer who is lives secretly in the modern world, guarding Earth from demonic invasions. When the evil alchemist Kabal (Thompson) escapes from what was supposed to be his eternal prison, Mordid must turn to mortal woman Samantha Hunt (Nipar) for help if humanity is to survive.


"Doctor Mordrid" is a neat little modern fantasy film that, like a number of other Full Moon releases is surprisngly good for a direct-to-video release that dates from the early 1990s. It's got an interesting hero who acquires a cool woman sidekick in the course of the film, a villain who gives other fantasy film bad guys a run for their money, and hints at a much large, extremely interesting cosmololgy than we only get a small glimpse at in this film.

Actually, getting a small glimpse of something bigger is the way I feel about the whole movie. It feels like it should have been at least 30-45 minutes longer, and with with the scant development that's given to a number of concepts and charactes, it could easily have supported the additional running time. If all the skeletons of nifty ideas and characters that appear in movie had been more fully fleshed out, this could have been a great movie. As it is, it's okay, with decent acting and good special effects. It's worth checking out, particularly if you like movies and books like "Harry Potter" or "The Dresden Files".

Gingerdead Man Double-feature

The Gingerdead Man (2005)
Starring: Gary Busey, Robin Sydney and Ryan Locke
Director: Charles Band
Producers: Charles Band and Dana Harrloe
Rating: Two of Ten Stars

Sarah (Sydney) and her friends must fight off an enchanted gingerbread man that is being animated by the spirit of a mad killer (Busy) who murdered Sarah's father and brother.

It's a given that one shouldn't expect high art (or haute cuisine) from a film titled "Gingerdead Man", but I expected better from the studio that brought us other films featuring pint-sized horrors, namely the excptionally creepy creations in "Puppet Master."

What we got here was a very dumb, badly acted, and simply badly conceived movie with a monster that was both unfunny and unscary, and a horror film that was pretty much completely devoid of scares. (The one chilling moment came toward the very end, following shortly after the one truly funny--if completely predictable--moment.)

That said, Gary Busey does make give a great voice performance as the killer cookie. I'm not sure if it's a testament to Busey's talent or his eccentricity, because Charles Band tells a story at his public appearances about how Busey basically frittered away the studio time and then pounded out the lines in perfect take after perfect take at the very end of the day. For all the other weaknesses of the film, Busey rocks.

This Charles Band-directed effort was a dissapointment... but at least that gave plenty of room for improvement when the sequel came around a few years later.



Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust (aka "Gingerdead Man Man 2: Bakery of Blood") (2008)
Starring: K-von Moezzi, Kelsey Sanders, Joseph Porter, Jacob Witkin and John Vulich
Director: Sylvia St. Croix
Producers: Charles Band and William Butler
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

The cookie possessed by the soul of a homicidal madman is back! This time, he's rampaging through the sets of Cheatum Studios, a low-budget movie mill on its last legs, looking to kill enough vicitms to perform a Satanic ritual so he can transfer his soul back into a human body.


When the Gingerdead Man made his first appearance in this, a sequel to a movie I count among the worst I've ever seen, I thought, "Hang on. How did he come back? Wasn't he destroyed in the original film?"

Then I thought, "This is a movie about a foulmouthed gingerbread cookie that murders people. Why am I trying to make sense of it?!"

And, once I went with the flow, this movie turned out to be quite a lot of fun. You'll be especially amused iif you're a fan of classic Full Moon films like "Puppet Master" or "Demonic Toys". A few of the jokes may be a bit "Inside Baseball" in nature--unless you're truly an Uber Geek or someone who takes and interest in the ups-and-downs of independent filmmakers like Roger Corman and Charles Band and the production companies they head--but most of the gags will be easily grasped as the self-mockery and overall ribbing of the low-budget fillm industry.

Unfortunately, while the movie may be fun, it's not all that good. It is far better than the original "Gingerdead Man" movie, but it still leaves alot to be desired.

Basically, the film feels half-baked (yeah, pun intended). The jokes are mostly ho-hum and the story feels disjointed and completely unmotivated until the Big Reveal surrounding Tommy, the terminally ill kid who has come to Cheatum Studios to see where his favorite movies were made before he dies. In fact, I was about ready to stop the film when it suddenly got good. The last half hour or so goes a long way to making up for a weak start. A plot development surrounding Tommy will be even more amusing to you if you've ever watched a B-movie, including this one, and thought to yourself, "That actor is entirely too old to be playing a teenager."

If just a little more time and effort had gone into developing the script, this film would have been much better. I know I said up-top that making sense of this movie is not something one should try to do, but I still would have liked a hint as to why the Tiny Tots animated to save the day at the end of the film. I have an idea, but I would have liked to at least see some hint as to the "who" and the "why" because the obvious answer makes no sense. (And, no, I don't think it's a spoiler to mention the "Demonic Toys" spoofs in the film come to life; when these puppets show up at the beginning of the film, you now they had to go on an uncontrolled rampage at some point.)

As for the acting and the sets and the puppets featured, is all passable, with Joseph Porter as the dying boy with a big secret being the only standout member of the cast. The cinematography could be better, as there are scenes where actors should be visible in a shot aren't, and others where actors are cut off by the edge of the screen, almost as if this was a bad pan-and-scan transfer. (It occurs to me that perhaps some of that was done intentionally, but it was more annoying than entertaining.) The soundtrack music was very well done, and it's the one area where the film is high quality.

In the end, I think it's a movie that big fans of Charles Band and Full Moon Features-type pictures will get a laugh out of. It's not as funny as I thought it would be based on the preview, but I still enjoyed it.